Love: As the Extension of One’s Self

Can I just mention how much googling I did to make sure I was using the right version of oneself v.s one’s self ?

Oneself vs. one’s self

The two-word phrase one’s self is only justifiable when self is used in a spiritual, philosophical, or psychological sense. In all other cases, one’s self can be replaced with the pronoun oneself.


In this case, I am speaking about the spiritual version of one’s self. In bell hooks’ Visions On Love, she paraphrases another writer’s definition of love as being, “The extension of oneself for the nurture and spiritual growth of another.” I really liked that definition. Someone once told me that relationships require work and I always thought that was ridiculous because love should come naturally. But I started to think about work in relation to hooks’ definition.Extending one’s self doesn’t come with ease. Especially when your partner requires more from you than you can bear. I find it so difficult to extend myself in my current relationship simply because I fear that I’ll run out of supplies. Yes, love is supposed to be selfless, but at what point does it become draining? I can’t tell whether I’m being too defensive or realistic. When one partner has so little to give how do they extend themselves? Perhaps I can only do so in a safe way with the right partner. Because who would replenish me when everything has been taken away?


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