We leave my older brother as he shovels the dirt atop my father’s coffin.
He intended to bury him himself.
My older brother, Kevin, had to take the shovel from him.
In the car I am numb again.
So many words bounce off the walls of my skull.
People don’t think I will survive,
I know because of the amount of people who tell me it will be okay.
“If you need anything.”
As we leave the cemetery all I can think is how awful it is that Daddy will be here all alone.
I say this to my mother.
I think of staying to keep him company.
I think it is around this time I start to wish I were dead, and I realize now why these people would assume that this loss would devour me.
But back then being dead didn’t seem so bad
since Daddy was.
– Porridge: A Memoir
A memoir about life after death, and a little girl who nearly lost her life after her father lost his.