My heart is broken and I don’t know why.
I never gave it away after him.
Inside my chest, it hurts
And I panic
Because I cannot reach inside
And stitch is back together
Without killing myself.
My mind is unraveling as my heart rots away
I don’t understand the words that come from my moth,
I don’t believe that they are mine.
I wish I could make this pain go away,
But its inside me.
It’s the smiling and the laughter
Forced out of me,
Wrapped in barbed wire,
Ripping me apart on its way out.
It’s the mirror, looking back at me
And the worry,
And the confusion,
And the exhaustion.
It’s the light that stopped shinning on my face,
The coldness of my skin,
The hollow hole I’ve strived to fill.
It’s the friends I’ve lost,
The work I’ve put in and the little I’ve got out.
It’s the emptiness and my lack of reason
It’s a sickly pain that makes me nauseous and over tired.
It makes me tell my mother to stop talking and to listen.
Its her and him,
And a love of solitude.
Its the painkillers that won’t take it away
No matter how many I take.
I feel like I’ve fallen into the grave I dug for myself
And have realized it’s
And too late
My heart is broken.
– Porridge: A Memoir
A memoir about life after death, and a little girl who nearly lost her life after her father lost his.